Month: November 2015

 

Many people that we talk to mention that they ‘simply don’t have time’ to take care of themselves, as the demands of life pull on them from all directions. The result: frustration, resentment, exhaustion, helplessness and a loss of self-esteem. Many people, especially those with others who depend on them (family, friends, children, etc.) see self-care as something that will be done once all of the other tasks of the day/week are done. Putting yourself first is often described as narcissistic, selfish, and ego-driven. However, we firmly believe (and we see everyday) that taking care of yourself actually enables you to help others more effectively. This is done in two ways:

1. You are replenished in your energy, vitality and confidence – this gives you more ‘fuel’ with which you can do the other tasks that must be completed. You know that you WILL get these tasks done and taking an hour or two out for yourself really won’t impact the fact that the necessity tasks will be done.
2. You model the importance of self-care and independence to others – by taking care of yourself, you show others that they, too can take action to enrich their lives. If you are a bit of a ‘doormat’ to the people in your lives, you are actually creating a relational habit where you are the ‘giver’ and they are the ‘needy’. Whereas by demonstrating your own importance and your recognition of that importance with your time, others see that they can do the same thing for themselves, and they will value your time even more.

In effect, then, taking care of yourself not only fuels you so that you are more able to function effectively in all aspects of your life, it helps you to create healthy relationship patterns and inspire others to enrich their own lives and give themselves permission to enjoy themselves and the time they have each day.

So, weather it is working out, meditating, reading a book, swinging on a swing – something that centres you – make it a priority. The simple fact is that you NEED to take care of yourself or you will be of little use to anyone!

Do the ‘busy and repetitive’ things, rather than the actions that make a big difference, dominate your life?

 

There is a lot to do in a day. Many of these are non-negotiable – cleaning, cooking, checking emails, etc. Most of the routines that we build for people do include these everyday things.

What we ensure, however, are that the primary focus and the most effective time is geared towards those ‘bigger’ goals, where everyday effort leads you to success. We all have the same 24 hours in a day, the difference lies in how we perceive that time, and capitalise on the opportunity that it provides us. This is why planning and reviewing are so crucial in setting up your days/weeks/months/years, so that instead of pushing through each day unconsciously, through your daily habits you are actively working towards the life of your dreams.

We find that once our clients begin to diligently start putting the allocated time into building their dreams, their life seems to take on new meaning, clarity and purpose. The ‘busy’ tasks get done more quickly and consume less headspace. The feeling of growth and progress is addictive.

There is a rule in success coaching called the 80/20 rule – 80% of the work are the things that ‘must’ be done for your life to run well, and 20% is the magic amount of those small, but super effective tasks that propel you forward into your dreams (it gets you 80% of your results). Many people put off this 20 per cent, even though it often takes the same amount of energy as the other 80 per cent, simply because they believe that they have to ‘do it all’ now. If you’re going to go after a dream you must give up EVERYTHING else and simply focus and work on that with no other distractions. For some, this may be true, but in reality the 80/20 rule often works more effectively. By acknowledging that you are giving 20 per cent of your day to take big steps towards your dreams, you ease the pressure and burden of ‘getting everything done now’, yet you take solid steps each day towards the life that you imagine. So, now you need to decide what that 20 per cent looks like for you each day, schedule it in, and act on it!

With numerous demands on our time at every second of the day and your mind concerned about other demands in the past or future, we often struggle to really appreciate our circumstance at the time.

What happens when we are constantly thinking about other things, distracted from the now? How do you think you will look back on your life – “Thank goodness I was always planning for the next thing?”. The moments that you probably most appreciate, yearn for and miss are those that you have been able to ‘switch off’ and simply enjoy what is happening at the time. Of course, as busy and successful people, we must plan. However, constantly thinking and planning without meaningfully and purposefully writing things down means that all of these thoughts are just noise that often spin around and around in your mind.

So, what do we recommend?

– Set aside time in the morning or night to plan your day and important things coming up.

– Write down your plans or things that are bothering you in a little book. A couple of sentences should suffice, we know you are busy! You can use this book in your planning time. By doing that, you have removed the ‘need to remember’ from your brain and you can free up some space.

– Assess whether it is productive to continually focus on something and think about it – can the situation be changed? Would it help you to talk to someone?

– Start a habit of three times a day, stopping to look around and ask yourself to enjoy the task that you are doing, even it is as mundane as sitting on the bus, folding laundry, making an important work call or just sitting still for a moment. You could even speak to a friend and tell them how much you appreciate them. Once this starts to become a habit, you will notice yourself appreciating simple things a lot more in your life in general.

Our relationships with others and our sense of self-satisfaction depend on our ability and openness to ENJOYING the stage in which we are at. If you are constantly worrying, wanting more, thinking you will be happy when… you will spend a lot of time ignoring the opportunity for gratefulness, which is available to you in each moment.

Dealing with the Unexpected

As a follow up to our last blog about routines, we also want to address the importance and unavoidability of surprise in life. It is impossible to control every element of your existence and this is what makes life interesting and exciting. Whilst we are all for routines, we also make it a priority to ‘schedule in’ times where you can do something different, fun, creative. And then there are the things that will throw you out completely: sickness, arrivals of friends and family at your doorstep, loss, winning a holiday – many things come and change things up without you expecting them.

Flexibility is of paramount importance in having a healthy relationship with your routine, your life and those around you – so long as you are not continually compromising your goals, identity and wellbeing. It is important to adequately prioritise the real importance of the unexpected things that come your way and allocate sufficient and appropriate time to them – both physically and mentally.

Your perspective when confronted with the unexpected is directly related to your ability to react in a healthy way. Frustration, anger and avoidance behaviour are natural reactions, yet they are not productive if held for longer than absolutely necessary. Accepting, welcoming and investigating ways to adapt to and manage change helps you to feel more in control, have higher levels of contentment and, most likely, react in a positive and productive manner.
Often, it is of great benefit to sit down and think or write about the change or unexpected event that has come across your way and brainstorm all of your options, including your emotional reactions and the potential outcomes of these. In this way, you can help yourself to process change emotionally, as well as have a logical and considered plan of action to deal with and manage the change in your life. If you are finding that you are struggling to cope with certain events in your life, please call Lifeline 13 11 14 (for Australia).

Routines seem to have gone out of fashion in the last ten or so years – they sound boring, restrictive and confining in the connotations of the word. However, speaking to some of the most successful business women and business men in the world, they often attribute their success to a routine. However, just implementing any routine will not lead you down the road of your dreams. Routines have to be designed in a way that reflect your priorities, your dreams, your capabilities and your necessities. Sporadic efforts of maximum intensity every 6 weeks or so are nothing in comparison to gradual, everyday effort over that same time period.

For example, if you want to run a marathon, training for a 40km every 4 weeks isn’t going to have you prepared nearly as well as a shorter, daily training. The same goes if you want to encourage your children to love reading – reading 20 books every few weeks doesn’t hold the same impact as reading two per day over ten days.

Routines give you a sense of (and real) control over your days and help you to continue to work towards your bigger goals in a methodical and logical way. Of course, not everything can be planned, however having a routine is the foundation of ensuring that you are still moving forward even when you feel under the weather, exhausted or just ‘not in the mood’. The key of routine helps your brain to accept this new (or old) activity as part of your identity to a point where it is no longer a question of whether you can be bothered or have time. It just becomes part of your day, like brushing your teeth. Over time, you see huge improvements without having to expend copious amounts of mental and physical energy. It’s a win-win!

Ensuring that you plan your routines in an optimum way is crucial – taking into account your energy levels at certain times of day, financial considerations, and other people that influence your routines (such as a partner, flatmate, children, etc.). For an optimised routine that is planned specifically to your needs, preferences and tendencies, click on the Contact Us link or email llumi.australia@gmail.com

The moments of motivation and inspiration are so exciting – you get a clear vision of what you want, you make a plan and you literally feel on fire with a sense of certainty that you will see this through. Days pass. Some are better than others, but you can count on the fact that usually your initial fire will wane from time to time. You may even experience days in a row where you actually sabotage your progress due to a dip in health, mood, circumstance, etc. So, what is the key that the most successful people stand by and attribute their success to? Consistency. This means that no matter the mood, temptation, change in circumstance, you remain a person of your word. You promised yourself (and potentially your accountability partner) that you would follow through. Now is the time to prove that you have got what it takes.

When you are tired and the couch is calling, you must keep your appointment with the gym/trainer/track – be the person who shows up. Keep your word. You KNOW that you will reap the benefits once you do it.

When you see that AMAZING deal that would prevent you from reaching your weekly savings goal – be the person who sticks to your financial plan and see if you have any ways of making that money elsewhere or putting the item on layby until AFTER you have the funds.

When you are on a holiday and the opportunity for unhealthy foods and drinks everyday beckons – be the person who chooses their health over these temporary indulgences.

This may sound boring or even like overkill – going off track sometimes is normal (and healthy), but when you are trying to REALLY reach a goal, sometimes these little moments are enormous barriers to your progress. On the other hand, they can also be strengthening opportunities for your willpower. Every time you DO show up and LISTEN to that voice that tells you “You are the person who sticks to this”, you are sending powerful messages to yourself and building those all-important mental habits and identities that are the foundation of success in that area.

The other pay off is that usually your goal is in line with what is best for you and the satisfaction of sticking to your goal will actually outweigh the satisfaction of ‘taking some time off’ from the path that you set for yourself. Often those small deviations are the things that bring on guilt, remorse and frustration. You will notice the wording isn’t, “You HAVE to go to the gym”, “You CANT spend that money” – using words like this to ourselves creates a sense of restriction in our minds, making us want to rebel even more. By placing positive connotations on the task and linking it to our better identity that we are striving towards, “You are the person who shows up and improves their health”, “You are the person who saves the money and buys that house”, “You are the person who is polite to people and has meaningful friendships”, creates an opportunity in your mind, rather than a boundary. It is a much healthier message.

So, today, even if you don’t feel like doing that action that will take you to your goal or you are tempted by something out of the ordinary – remind yourself of the person that you are aiming to be and BE that person today. SHOW UP – be consistent. You will feel incredible.