Month: December 2016

Are you living your dream life, or are you well on your way? If so, great! If not, why not? If the reasons that come to your mind mostly focus on things external to you – circumstances, the behaviour of other people, etc. you may have identified a deeper weakness in your plan. The failure to recognise your own culpability in your situation. And no, this isn’t a blame game. In fact, identifying the pattern that you have neglected your own sense of agency is an empowering force in making strides towards your goals. If you see yourself at the mercy of others and circumstance, you consciously limit your ability to do anything to make a difference. However, if you see yourself as the crucial agent of change – which is the case in most circumstances – you have the power to take incredible action today! It is important to identify self-limiting beliefs such as thinking that you are not good enough to get a better job, exercise will never work because you don’t have the personality to stick to something, you’ll be single forever, etc. These attitudes undercut your progress and you need to take responsibility and action today, even if it is a small action to get started. Challenge those limiting thought patterns.

The most effective way of making progress is to find a method of tracking that suits you. This can range from using a journal, a colour-in progress sheet, an app that helps you to track milestones, a wearable fitness tracker (for physical fitness), an accountability meeting scheduled at set intervals, tick-off lists and the possibilities go on. It is important for your mind to recognise and aim for consistent and meaningful progress that is aligned to your goals so that you can stay on track. This is usually the reason that we see people having so much success on ‘8 week transformations’, ’30 day programs’, etc. They have programmed their mind to a specific time frame, a specific goal with high expectations and the appropriate structure and support that is needed. Could these same people have done exercise or mindfulness for 30 days on their own? Yes, but the mental structure and accountability provides you with a much better chance of success. When you expect something to work and succeed, your chances of coming out the other end with transformed. Does this mean that only pre-packaged plans work? Of course not, we can use the principles of these plans to ensure our own success. First, we set a realistic but optimistic timeframe to achieve a goal (or a step of a goal), then we structure the activities needed to do that goal – chunking it into daily pieces, we then set up accountability and support people (either face to face, daily text check-ins, workout buddies, or online groups), and we use our tracking method that suits us and keeps us motivated to continue. Usually we all know what it is that we must do, yet we lack the tracking structure to keep our mind engaged on the task. How about you try it this week?

There are many times where we put off ‘big things’ such as going on a holiday, treating ourselves to a lovely day out, indulging our passions by enrolling in a course, or chasing our dream of owning a home. We do this because we feel ‘too busy’ with the everyday. The miniscule to-dos on your list consume most of your time and brain space, but rarely leave you feeling inspired or accomplished. There is a great video on youtube that has been around for a while where a man puts big golf balls in a jar and asks if the jar is full – the class answers, ‘Yes’. Then he pours little rocks into the jar – full? ‘Yes’. Then he pours sand – full now? ‘Yes’. He then pours two beers into the jar until it is brimming. He then makes a comparison – the golf balls represent the important things in life, such as family, big experiences, passions and the like. The rocks are the ‘must do-s’ such as work, bills, and the others things that we must do. Then the sand is ‘everything else’. The beers represent that there is always time to have a drink with a friend. We loved this analogy as it shows us how important it is to put your priority on things that make life memorable and satisfying – you WILL find time to do all the other things. You will work things out to ensure that life runs smoothly. We tend to always put the other things first, however, and we can’t possibly fit the golf balls in after putting the sand and rocks in first. Take stock of your priorities today and have a look at how you can shuffle your priorities.

It is all too easy to place the blame for things that go wrong in life, in relationships, at work on outer circumstances and the seeming failures of others. It is much simpler to identify character flaws in others while turning a blind eye to our own weaknesses and destructive habits. It is so important to look at the situations that frustrate us and identify where we have let ourselves down, where we have reacted inappropriately, where our ideology has served to put us in an undesirable state. We form patterns and habits in our brains based on our perceptions of past experiences. This is a survival mechanism, but it can also trap up in negative and destructive ways of thinking. In relationships, for example, if you have been hurt before it may be a habit for you to expect others to hurt you in the future, and so you are overly guarded and constantly looking for ways in which the person will potentially hurt you; breaking down the potential of a fulfilling and satisfying situation. At work, if you have convinced yourself that you ‘hate this job’, you are hardly going to be looking for positive ways that it impacts your life, the things you would miss if you left and also ways to enhance your skills and abilities through your work. So, before you start rapid-firing at the things and circumstances around you, recognise your weaknesses and assess them for their validity. Have you done everything that you can to change it? If it is still not working, is it best to leave or have a significant conversation with someone? You are never truly ‘stuck’. We are infinitely adaptable and especially in our modern society, our situations are extremely free and flexible – make that most of that!

People who work in hired storage space will tell you one thing – most people who store things there never come and get them again. We often convince ourselves that we need to keep things for ‘one day’ or for sentimental reasons when they clutter our lives without bringing value to it. There are ways to keep things such as old photographs, DVDs, CDs – individuals and businesses can transfer or scan them all onto a drive or into the cloud so that they can be preserved and accessed easily. In your home space, try taking all of the clutter out of the room and place it in a box for 1 week or a fortnight. If you don’t need anything or miss anything, it’s time to re-gift, donate, or recycle. You will be amazed at how much lighter and calmer your space feels (and how much easier it is to clean!). This process works just as well with clothes, jobs, habits, junk food and everything else in life. Abstain from them for 1-2 weeks and, if their absence is not detrimental to your life – it’s time to reconsider their importance.

A lot of us live in a hurry – and we put off basic health needs, such as seeing a physio or doctor about a niggling issue, we don’t visit our dentist regularly, we keep delaying an appointment with a nutritionist or signing up for a training regime because we can’t justify the expense. However, your body is the only thing that you depend on to get you through everything else. Living in a denial about your health, hoping that it will fix itself or just ‘be fine’ is like allowing your elite sports car to run without servicing, oil changes, pumping the tyres or refuelling with quality petrol. You can’t expect it to last long or to perform well. Take stock of your physical state now – are all your muscles, joints and postures feeling the way they should? How long has it been since you had a general check-up? Have you been to a skin cancer doctor in the last year? Make a list of things that you should have checked and fixed and call and make the appointments today. You will feel a huge weight come off your shoulders instead of a daily annoyance or subconscious worry about your health. Sign up to that fitness regime, or start the program that was written for you. There is no time like now to make a start.

Image Credit: Lorna Jane

There are many tasks in life that we don’t love doing – perhaps it is washing your car, cleaning the house, or even your job! However, if you have allocated time for a task, you may as well do the job to the best of your ability. You’re already there, putting in the time – why not do something that you are proud of. Someone once told me that every action we do holds our signature – do you want to know yourself as someone who does things half-heartedly, in a rush, or with no thought as to the quality of your work? Or do you want to make the impression, on yourself and others, that whatever you do, you do it well? If you show up for an hour’s workout session – you’re tired and it was a real struggle to get there. How do you think you will feel if you do a half-hearted effort? How will you feel if you put in everything you’ve got? Same amount of time spent – totally different outcome. At your work – is your reputation one that speaks highly of you and the quality and integrity of your output? What do you think of yourself and the things you produce? These are important questions, because even if you are performing mundane tasks, you are training yourself to expect certain standards of quality from yourself. So that one day, may your circumstances change and you are doing something very important (or you do important things every day), your brain is already in the habit of setting high standards and giving it your best shot. This goes a lot way with willpower, dedication and resilience in tough situations. Review your dedication to the everyday, less-enjoyable tasks in your life – what does it say about you?

All of us have things to be grateful for in our lives; however, sometimes we get caught up in chasing the next step that we forget to appreciate what we have done and how far we have come. Another casualty of this are the people around us who have given love, dedication, help and support. In fact, it is often those who are closest to us and who help us the most that get neglected by us, as something in our mind takes them for granted as we become accustomed to the help that they provide and it becomes part of our ‘normal’. This is a dangerous place to be, as these people may begin to feel used and disrespected and withdraw this loving support. Now, this is not a message to encourage superficial relationships so that you can get them to do things for you, but more of a reminder to re-examine the fantastic people in your life and realise the contribution that they bring to you. The next step is to thank them and connect with them deeply and appreciatively and foster these relationships with your support people. We often spend so much time and energy ‘chasing’ people who have little regard for us – the problematic ‘on again off again’ boy/girlfriend, the constantly dissatisfied boss, the neglecting friend – but rarely do we pour love and appreciation and energy onto those people who are truly there for us when it counts, even when you have very little to give. So, this Christmas season, perhaps it’s a good idea to reallocate your time and creative gifting to those who have always been there to support you.

People are designed to be social beings, that is a core principal our humanity. As with anything, however, this can be shifted into a dangerous manifestation when people begin to depend too much on others to have their needs met. Emotionally, this may be an individual who feels that they NEED someone to give them love so that they can love themselves. Or it could be the person who documents a manufactured façade of their life onto social media and then does not feel fulfilled unless they gain a certain amount of praise or recognition. This can also happen in financial situations – people get ‘stuck’ in relationships or jobs because they can’t afford the period of uncertainty or the initial outlay to leave their current circumstances. In these situations, it is the centre of control or satisfaction outside the individual that causes these problems. It is important for us to take responsibility for ourselves, put that money aside each week, find flexible work hours, work on loving yourself and building that self respect and independence through meditation, supportive conversations with friends and counsellors and making sure that you can ‘do you’ no matter what life throws at you.

With the changing of the seasons, it is important to update and clear out your physical spaces and possessions – this should be done in areas that you spend significant amounts of time, such as home and work. Systematically work through everything that you own, either by making a step-by-step list that spans a month, or dedicating a couple of days to a complete overhaul of your spaces. It is a good idea to be ruthless – fix things that are broken, alter clothes that do not fit, donate all good quality items that are no longer of use and do not serve you. Lastly, try to recycle things that are irreparable, in bad condition, etc. The mental clarity of clutter-free spaces has a huge impact upon your mood and thought processes in general. It can be much simpler to do this each change of season, so that you do not have an enormous workload with cleaning each time and you remain conscious of what you allow back into your space. There are many instructional videos on YouTube that assist you in getting organised and de-cluttering your life – you may like to use these as inspiration. It is not simply about throwing things away, but acquiring and keeping a few key pieces that work in harmony together and bring your space a sense of calm, inspiration and happiness. Happy sorting!