Month: May 2017

For many of us, the first thing to be cut back on when life gets busy is sleep and rest. It seems to be the main thing that no one is keeping us accountable for. We HAVE TO go to work, WE HAVE TO be with our kids, WE HAVE TO get this and that job done. There doesn’t seem to be time to get enough sleep and refuel ourselves properly. However, if we don’t prioritise our recovery, we will soon find the quality of our involvement in all of these tasks at a sub-par level. You might find yourself ‘just getting through’ the hours at work, you could catch yourself being constantly snarly with your family, you could find yourself resenting all of the odd jobs you are doing. When we are tired – it affects all areas of our lives, making it difficult for any of it to feel fulfilling or worthwhile, and rarely showing anyone the best version of ourselves. So, ensure that rest and recovery is a priority for you this week – make it a priority to catch up on sleep and set up an appropriate bed time to get your 7-9 hours a night.

We all have a style of self-talk, and it is one of the most important conversations that we have each day. Our preferences and tendencies in our thinking become apparent when we step back and observe our “self-chat”. This is very separate to your actions, as you can be doing every task possible for a human being, but saying victim-style things such as, “I work harder than everyone else, it’s not fair”, “This never ends”, “No one appreciates me”etc. This style of thinking puts the control outside of you – your life is just ‘happening’ to you (or is against you) and you demonstrate little awareness of your own power and choices that have led you to your moment.

Or, you can be doing those same things and speaking to yourself in an empowering and self-directed way, “I am so impressed that I can accomplish so much, I’m making progress” and “I’m so proud of how far I have come, and the opportunity to be experiencing this part of my life. I am excited about how I am preparing for my future”. Remember, these thoughts are independent of the actual work you do. Even while relaxing, you could be saying “Oh, I bet someone else is doing something way more exciting” or “I’m fortunate to have this time to rest, I know that I will do the things I need to at the right time”. Take notice of how your speak to yourself today – are you at the mercy of the world, seeing your circumstances as completely unjust? Or are you grateful, in control and able to see the way forward?

In our brain, we have powerful processes fuelled by ‘mirror’ neurons. They activate when we see people like us doing a specific action. We then learn the action in our own minds, as if we have done it, ourselves, previously. This can be very handy if you are looking to learn a new skill, but it can also be destructive if you are spending a lot of time with people who engage in behaviours that you don’t admire. You may even be re-wiring your brain to accept these behaviours as normal, not only for the other people, but also for yourself. Even watching things on a screen or phone have effects on your mirror neurons, so your social media exposure is also playing a large role in forming your character without you even having to think about it. So be careful to what you are exposing your attention to over a long period of time, it could be doing more than you know.

Are you having trouble with getting started on one of your BIG to-do items on your list? It helps to have a plan of taking small chips out of it each day. But often, we put these ‘chips’ off to that non-existent time called “later”. Avoid this – once your morning routine is finished, jump into the hardest step of your day. If possible, incorporate it into your morning routine. After 10 days of this, it will feel automatic, less onerous and you will be able to see your progress (or completion) of this task – willing you further even more.

Do you spend time worrying about things that could go wrong? If you made a change in your life – perhaps you won’t enjoy it and you will want to come back, or you will want to undo the decision. We often trick ourselves into thinking that we are passive in the face of circumstances. If we choose a new option, that it then dominates us and we will be trapped. But think of the power and agency that you have over your life now. You can choose to be happy and make further choices because you are in charge. You will also be in charge in your new situation. You can always do things to make circumstances positive, healthy and better for everyone involved. So if the fear of future uncertainty is holding you back from taking a much-needed step – trust yourself and your ability to create great things.

At times, life requires us to make big jumps from our comfort zones and these are sometimes ‘all or nothing’: moving to a new city, changing jobs, leaving relationships, moving to a new house, starting your own business – these things can be daunting. Our comfort zones have warm elements of them that suddenly glow brighter at the prospect of losing them. However, it is important to realise that you were most likely looking for new options, or they may have presented themselves, to propel you forward to something greater. To ease the transition, start doing small tasks to prepare yourself mentally. Picture the new situation in positive detail and the big picture that you are working towards. Staying stagnant in life is rarely helpful – even if you do not make the ‘big jump’ continue to actively make your current situation your best.

When you find your good friends, it’s important to keep those relationships healthy, positive and consistent. Life does get busy, but even just small threads of contact can help to refuel yourself and keep those connections alive. We are designed to be social creatures and we need the love and companionship of others. While this doesn’t mean that we should try to be friends with everyone, it IS important to spend quality, focused time with family and loved ones – no phones, just concentrated conversation and fun. Sitting next to your husband/wife/friend/partner/family member scrolling through your phone while the TV is blaring isn’t exactly making your relationship stronger. Try unplugging and doing something fun and engaging together.

It is a useful practice to track your progress over the long-term. This helps you to look back and appreciate all of your small, tiny steps that felt like they weren’t getting you anywhere. Like putting away the money of a coffee each day and realising that you now have enough to pay off that credit card, or that those daily walks/exercise sessions have taken off that excess fat that your doctor warned you about (or that you can walk much further than you ever could before!). It’s important to recognise how far you have come to push yourself to keep going. It is the most satisfying part of the goal journey. Don’t rob yourself of it!

Sometimes in life we are offered life-altering options. Whether it be a new job, new housing situation, new friends or the addition of family members: we stand at a crossroads. We try to imagine our new life if we take on the unfamiliar – will we miss what we have now? Will this new decision destroy part of what we have now? These are valid and important questions that should be thought through with great care. Rushing into huge decisions doesn’t do any good. However, sometimes, if you know deep down that this new change will be great for you in the long run, it’s time to take it. If you feel it is unethical or will cut into what you value most, be open to other options and gratefully give this one a miss.

There is one thing that is missing from many of our lives – downtime. We find ourselves rushing around from task to task, appointment to appointment. Our brains are constantly engaged, so that even when we are doing something, our minds are on the tasks we should be accomplishing in the future. The problem with this is that it trains us to never be fully present or fully relaxed. We train ourselves so that we are unable to relax and disconnect fully. When we do get downtime, we feel uncomfortable, unproductive, bored. So we open our phones and begin the relentless scrolling of social media. Unfortunately, this ‘relaxation’ doesn’t allow your brain time to stop and process, either. Studies have shown that the more time spent on social media correlates with higher rates of depression and dissatisfaction with life. So, try to take at least 10 minutes out of your day today and do nothing. Absolutely nothing. Allow your mind to stop and rest. It could be on the bus or train on the way to work, or 10 minutes before you get out of bed or go to sleep. See if it helps you and how you feel afterwards.